Fight or Flight: Side Stories
by Caeci
Summary: A nice home for all of the oneshots, AU's, and extra anecdotes that have no place in the main 'Fight or Flight' story.
1. Dealing with Thanagarians

Dealing with Thanagarians: Made Theoretically Easy and Updated Regularly!

By: Hal Jordan, Green Lantern

If a Thanagarian challenges you to a fight, always accept. Exceptions include: suffering from illness, poisoning, or grievous injury. Minor injuries will be sucked up.

 _NEVER_ try to pronounce a Thanagarian's Thanagarian name unless you yourself, are a Thanagarian. The mispronunciation of names is the Thanagarian equivalent of telling someone to go fuck themselves. And since humans lack the necessary vocal chords to pronounce a majority of the Thanagarian language, well, just don't try it. _Ever._

 _DON'T GIVE THANAGARIANS PRESENTS!_ Seriously, most of their culture's gift giving centers around courting. Do not make my mistake and spontaneously give a Thanagarian a present 'Just Because'. You may find yourself accidentally engaged. Shayera still hasn't forgiven me for nearly becoming Carter's second wife. Though I still attest we could have made it work.

Thanagarians are the masters of Resting Bitch Face, both in and out of armor. You'll have to rely on body language to gauge moods. Pro Tip: Their wings are excellent indicators of mood swings. The hard part is actually deciphering what the various wing twitches mean… Have _not_ figured that part out yet. It's a work in progress.

Unless you either overpower or outrank a Thanagarian, the only way you can get them to listen to you is through cold, hard, logic. Pathos will _not_ be your friend. Note: There are exceptions, such as when dealing with personal matters.

 _NEVER_ play strategy games with a Thanagarian. They will win at all costs. Some of those costs will include physically attacking in order to gain the advantage. Once during a friendly game of chess with J'onn, Shayera upended the entire table and declared victory. Even when they're not destroying tables and cheating, they're still ridiculously formidable opponents. One of the interns at the Hall's museum introduced Carter to Sid Meier's Civilization IV. On his first game he won a brutal military victory and hasn't played since. Apparently he in turn introduced Skylar to the game, and she still regularly plays. She's made quite the name for herself as a ruthless warmonger.

Thanagarians don't take loyalty lightly.

 _NEVER_ utter the phrase 'Thanagar sounds kind of like a hellhole' or any version of said phrase.

If you want to be friends with a Thanagarian, _stay determined_. They're kind of like cacti. A prickly and hard to get past exterior with a gooey middle. The best way to befriend a Thanagarian is to earn their respect. Once you have that, you have a friend for life.

Outside of sparring and outright fighting, _NEVER_ touch a Thanagarian's wings without express permission. If you startle them, you're liable to get a wing straight to the face. And those suckers _hurt_.

Speaking of wings, if you start finding stray feathers that match your Thanagarian's, it means that they're molting. It happens about every two years during the same time, so MARK YOUR CALENDARS. During these times, it pays to be extra nice to them or stay out of their way until it passes, because they get… _way_ worse than usual. During one of Carter's molts, he developed a tendency to defenestrate at least one person in every fight he was in. And this included a short altercation in the Canadian Wilderness, far from civilization. He carried the baddie for _forty five minutes_ all the way to the nearest small town and threw him through a bakery window.

 _NEVER_ use a Thanagarian's weapon without expression permission. Once Wonder Woman took Shayera's mace without asking and… well, it was a whole thing. Just don't do it.

Thanagarian biology is similar to humans, but there are a few glaring differences, most of which they keep secret, so don't bother asking. Basic First-Aid is identical, but anything more intensive you'll have to have another Thanagarian (or a magic user who can just poof even the most severe of boo-boos away) on call. Both Shayera and Carter are thoroughly trained in Thanagarian medical arts and they are in the process of getting Skylar to their level. Side Note: Because of their biology, the human version of CPR _does not work_. Just stand back and let another Thanagarian or another person _trained_ by a Thanagarian (namely Superman, Martian Manhunter, Wonder Woman, and myself) take over. Additionally, Thanagarian CPR is far more brutal, but trust me, it helps far more than it hurts.

Speaking of Thanagarian biology, they have the nifty ability to see in the dark. Why do I mention this, you ask? Because much like cats and birds of prey, they possess _tapetum lucidum_ (commonly known as "eyeshine") and thus their eyes glow when they're actively using night vision. I warn you because it is truly a terrifying thing to behold, especially considering how rare it is to see them _without_ something covering their eyes… it just means you'll experience the horror when you least expect it.

 _NEVER_ instigate a prank war with a Thanagarian. If you start it, _they will end it_. Flash learned this lesson the hard way. To this day, none of us have figured out how the Hawks managed to get his brand new car into the Hall of Justice swimming pool.

 _FOLLOW THE RULES_. I shouldn't even have to say it, but _certain people_ have been ignoring the list. For your safety, and the safety of those around you, I beg of you to please listen before it's too late.


	2. A Turn of Phrase

I had this random idea and it kind of spiraled out of control. I hope you enjoy it as much as I enjoyed writing it!

* * *

 _Hey HG,_

 _I just finished combing through the security footage. I know you were looking for that specific clip, but I thought… We have an opportunity here that it's better not to waste, let's just make a whole montage. Plus, I may or may not have gotten a little bored. I even managed to pull one of our mission records from the archives._

 _Robin_

H

 _LOCATION: KITCHEN_

KID FLASH: [Is standing facing Hawkgirl, looking visibly animated] Wait, wait, wait. So you're telling me that you've played almost every Legend of Zelda game, but you've _never_ played Halo? What's wrong with you?

HAWKGIRL: I have my preferences just as you have yours.

KID FLASH: I mean Zelda's pretty great, but _Halo_. That's like… right up your alley! You gotta expand your video game horizons!

HAWKGIRL: Forgive me if I'd rather spend my time playing games I know I enjoy, considering my limited amount of free time.

KID FLASH: How do you know you won't enjoy it if you don't try it? Besides, the Zelda are good, but they're not the _best_. I mean, have you ever played _Bioshock_? _Portal_? _Fallout 3_?

ROBIN: [Speaking up from where he had previously been quietly watching nearby] Dude, I wouldn't.

KID FLASH: Well, it's true!

HAWKGIRL: [Walks over and bodily picks up Robin around the torso, flipping him upside down and holding him out in front of her. Robin crosses his arms, unfazed.]

KID FLASH: Uh… What are you doing?

HAWKGIRL: I am irritated with you.

KID FLASH: Okay… That still doesn't explain why though.

HAWKGIRL: Artemis said that if I'm irritated with someone, I should flip the bird at them.

KID FLASH: [Slaps palm onto face] That's not what that… ugh, I am not explaining idioms to you. Rob, you do it.

ROBIN: I think I like hers better, actually.

H

 _LOCATION: HUB_

ARTEMIS: Whoa, Robin, you look… Are you alright?

ROBIN: [Has a very prominent bruise taking nearly the entire right side of his face] I'm fine. Just ended up on the wrong end of one of Harley Quinn's hammers.

KID FLASH: I thought she was back on the straight and narrow!

ROBIN: It never works out for long. Trust me, Bats has tried. A lot.

ARTEMIS: A leopard can't change its spots.

AQUALAD: To my knowledge, leopards evolved spots specifically to blend into their surroundings since they are ambush predators. Thus, they are physically incapable of doing so. There are a certain species of octopus that are capable of changing their spots.

KID FLASH: Whoa… You're right, Kaldur. I guess villains are just people, and that some are capable of changing for the better or worse, while others are stuck in their ways.

ROBIN: KF, I'm pretty sure Kaldur just didn't know it was an idiom.

AQUALAD: What is an idiom?

H

 _LOCATION: KITCHEN_

MISS MARTIAN: I won't mess up dinner this time, I promise! Why are you being such a… doubting Thomas?! [Crosses arms and looks away]

SUPERBOY: … My name is Conner?

MISS MARTIAN: [Giggling] It's just a saying. It means you're skeptical.

SUPERBOY: But why Thomas?

MISS MARTIAN: I don't know. But it's kind of funny, don't you think?

SUPERBOY: … I don't get the joke.

H

 _LOCATION: LOUNGE_

KID FLASH: It's not _that_ bad is it?

ARTEMIS: Worse. It's no wonder you have a C in Art.

KID FLASH: [Frowning, he puts the messy painting he had been holding up face down on the table, so it wouldn't hurt anyone else] It's not even a _little_ good?

SUPERBOY: I don't think it's that bad. I think the orange jungle looks kinds of… neat.

KID FLASH: Orange jungle? It's supposed to be an ocean sunset!

SUPERBOY: Never mind then.

ARTEMIS: You know how they say a picture paints a thousand words?

KID FLASH: Yeah?

ARTEMIS: All the words this painting put in mind… I don't want to say in front of Conner.

SUPERBOY: But… pictures don't have words?

ARTEMIS: [Patting Superboy consolingly on the arm] Don't worry about it. Just a saying. [Turning back to Kid Flash, who is visibly distraught] Have you considered asking Skylar for help? She has a lot of experience with art.

KID FLASH: She will _never_ see this. [Snatches up painting, rolls it up, and stuffs it back in his backpack]

HAWKGIRL: [Wandering past, eating an apple] Too late. It is a truly shitty painting.

ARTEMIS: [Letting out a scandalized gasp, she clamps her hands over Superboy's ears]

H

 _LOCATION: HUB_

BATMAN: For the most part, the mission was a success, though Kid Flash's mishap nearly endangered all of you… But since he managed to recover quickly enough to prevent any disaster, you will only receive a slap on the wrist. I trust you will not let it happen again.

KID FLASH: No, sir

HAWKGIRL: [Reaches over and smacks Kid Flash on the arm]

KID FLASH: [Wincing] Ow, what the heck was that for?!

HAWKGIRL: Slap on the wrist, just like he said. Pretty mild for a corporal punishment in my opinion.

BATMAN: [Is silently suffering and regretting his decision to mentor these kids] You're dismissed.

H

 _LOCATION: GYMNASIUM_

[Aqualad and Superboy are in the middle of a push-up contest]

MISS MARTIAN: Should we stop them?

ARTEMIS: No. Let them keep going.

KID FLASH: I am kind of curious to see who'll win, actually. But I vote we put some fuel on this fire to make things more interesting.

HAWKGIRL: [Leaves the room]

ROBIN: Whoever wins gets to pick where we get takeout for dinner tonight.

[Aqualad and Superboy stop momentarily to trade a look, before going back to doing push-ups with twice the enthusiasm.]

[Roughly two minutes later, Hawkgirl returns carrying a red nozzled can]

KID FLASH: Is that _gasoline_?! Sky, what the _hell_!

HAWKGIRL: … So you _don't_ want to light them on fire?

KID FLASH: No! I meant metaphorical fire!

HAWKGIRL: … Damn.

[Miss Martian is visibly relieved when Hawkgirl leaves, taking the gasoline with her. Superboy ended up winning the contest.]

H

 _LOCATION: LOUNGE_

ARTEMIS: Let's not beat a dead horse.

SUPERBOY: [Visibly appalled] Why would you _do_ that?

MISS MARTIAN: It's an Earth saying, Conner. It basically means 'don't keep bringing up things that are finished'. I admit, it is a little… morbid.

ARTEMIS: Compared to some of the Thanagarian sayings I've heard from Skylar, it's downright cheery.

MISS MARTIAN: You… do have a point there.

H

 _LOCATION: HUB_

BATMAN: This will be a short mission, of which I have no doubt you will execute successfully. But remain vigilant at all times.

GREEN ARROW: Break a leg, kiddos.

HAWKGIRL: Whose?

[The rest of the members of the Team take a large step away from her. Batman is once again clearly suffering and is filled with Regret™]

H

 _LOCATION: LOUNGE_

[Kid Flash has just entered the room, where Aqualad and Conner have been sitting and watching TV for some time.]

SUPERBOY: M'Gann made cookies. They're in the kitchen.

KID FLASH: Well, I'm never one to look a gift horse in the mouth. [Speeds over and starts cramming cookies in his mouth two at a time.]

AQUALAD: [Turning to Superboy] Do horses often bring presents?

SUPERBOY: [Shrugs] Ask Wally.

KID FLASH: Ask Wally what? [Takes the entire plate over with him and flops down onto the couch]

AQUALAD: Do horses provide presents to people?

KID FLASH: Uh… Was that some kind of code?

AQUALAD: It was a question. You said you are not one to look a gift horse in the mouth. Judging by your casual tone, it must be a common occurrence.

KID FLASH: [Bursts out laughing and nearly chokes to death on a cookie. Conner pats him on the back.] It's just a saying, dude! It's like… don't take things for granted. Geez, it's just like the leopard thing all over again.

AQUALAD: [Visibly embarrassed] Ah. I suppose I am still getting used to these… idioms.

KID FLASH: You'll get the hang of it. Heck, Sky's been on earth for _years_ and she still doesn't get them. And M'Gann's knowledge all comes from binge watching Earth TV. So it's no big deal.

AQUALA: Thank you, Wally [Snags a cookie from the plate]

H

 _LOCATION: HUB_

BLACK CANARY: I'm proud of you, Conner. It looks like you're finally finding your feet.

SUPERBOY: [Looks down at his feet, confused]

BLACK CANARY: [Is smiling broadly as she reaches out and ruffles his hair]

H

 _LOCATION: OFFSITE, RECORDED AUDIO FROM MISSION: REDACTED_

ARTEMIS: They won't know what hit them. The moment they come back and see their safe house empty of all their drugs and weapons, we'll take them down.

ROBIN: You're sure you've got everything out?

ARTEMIS: Everything but the kitchen sink.

[Metallic ripping noise]

ROBIN: What was that?

ARTEMIS: … Scratch that, we have everything _including_ the kitchen sink. Hawkgirl, what are we supposed to do with that?!

HAWKGIRL: Now they won't have a sink. We were ordered to take _everything_ and then you specifically pointed out the presence of the sink. I assumed this is what you wanted me to do.

ARTEMIS: I meant… You know what, never mind. Maybe you can throw it at someone.

ROBIN: Don't give her any ideas, you know she'll do it.

HAWKGIRL: Of course I will.

H

"This is even better than I hoped it would be." Skylar leaned back away from the screen.

Dick was still cackling a little as he closed the screen of the laptop sitting in front of them. "I know, right? It was so much work, but it was _so_ worth it. Some of these are _gold_."

"Definitely. I was very proud of the thing with the sink."

"Yeah, that was _amazing_. And the looks on those guys' faces when you threw that sink at them? _Priceless_. Man, I wish there was video footage of that."

"As do I."

"There's just one thing I don't get." Dick admitted. "You've been on Earth since you were nine, and I _know_ you started learning English before that. How did you miss out on the lessons on idioms?"

"Oh, I didn't."

Spluttering, Dick whipped his head towards her. " _What?"_

"My first week here, Uncle Hal asked if he could take a rain check and I told him it wasn't raining, but that it was probably going to later." Her nose wrinkled a little. "Of course, I was teased for that. Every idiom that's been thrown at me, I've known about."

"Wait, wait, wait, so that thing with the gasoline? And the kitchen sink? And the leg breaking? You did that all on _purpose_?"

"Yes. I thought it was funny to point out the fallacies of the human language. I still do, in fact."

"… You are _diabolical_."

She shot him a vicious smirk. "Why thank you."

* * *

Fun Fact 1: Skylar _has_ played other video games. The Zelda games are just her favorites.

Fun Fact 2: The video game argument was originally a jab about Skylar not having other friends than them, but I thought that was far too uncalled for and way too mean on Wally's part. So lighthearted banter it is.

Fun Fact 3: This all spawned from thinking up the 'Flipping the Bird' incident. Then I just looked up a list of idioms and picked out the ones I could make the funniest and/or best situations with.


	3. Fletching

So, here's the first of three oneshots I have planned to post before the next chapter of Fight or Flight. In addition, it's also the first… *drumroll* ROMANTIC ONESHOT. Yes. Hearts, flowers, expressions of affection, and awkward situations!

This chapter is dedicated to **Piffthemagicdragon21** for somehow managing to predict one of the stories I was working on. It was a little spooky, to be honest.

Without further ado, the tale of Artemis and Skylar.

* * *

"Hey, M'Gann?" Artemis immediately cursed herself as the words slipped out. She had been furiously debating with herself for the past fifteen minutes, until her traitorous mouth made the decision for her.

"Yes?" The Martian girl looked up from the new recipe book she had been flipping through.

Letting out a long sigh, Artemis briefly closed her eyes before opting to just ask the question that she'd been pondering. It was better to do this fast, like ripping off a Band-Aid. "You've known Skylar longer than I have…"

"Um, not really?" Carefully placing her finger on her current page, M'Gann closed her book and readjusted herself so she was facing fully towards her friend, curiosity sparkling in her eyes. "I mean, the team was founded in July, and you didn't join until August…"

"That's two months I didn't have."

"I guess you have a point there. What's your question exactly?"

"Do you know if… Do you… Is Skylar…?" Growling in frustration, Artemis picked up a nearby pillow and slammed it onto her face, muffling her voice. "Why is this so _hard_?!"

M'Gann leaned forward, visibly concerned. "Artemis? Is everything alright?"

"Everything's _fine."_ She hissed, removing the pillow and hugging it to her chest. "I just… there's something I want to see if you know. And I don't know how to ask it."

"Just say whatever comes to you first." The Martian suggested gently. "Sometimes it's better to just go with your instinct instead of overthinking things."

Drawing in a deep breath, Artemis forced her brain out of its panic spiral, turning to meet M'Gann's gaze. "Do you know if Skylar likes girls?"

M'Gann tilted her head to the side a little. "I'm… not sure, actually. But I know Robin has known her longer, maybe you could ask him-?"

"NO!" Artemis practically yelped, shooting that idea down _immediately_. There was _no way_ she'd ask Robin about this. "No. No, no, no. I am definitely _not_ asking him _that_!"

"But if he knows…" M'Gann trailed off as something clicked in her head. "Artemis, are you asking because you-?"

Quick as a viper, Artemis leapt across the space and locked a hand over her friend's mouth before she could finish her question. "Shh!" Once she was sure that she wouldn't talk, she pulled her hand back. "This stays between us, okay?"

Clasping her hands together, M'Gann's eyes were practically sparkling. "Oh, Artemis, this is _wonderful_. I'm sorry I don't know, but… I think I know how to find out."

Eyes narrowing, Artemis was immediately dubious. "Can you?"

"Yes. And I promise, there's no way I'm going to let her find out that you-" Seeing the blonde's glare, M'Gann giggled. "Oops. But really, I promise."

H

"He's pretty cute, don't you think?" Tilting the magazine in her hand, M'Gann displayed the photo of one of the most popular young actors in the circuit, all dyed hair and artificially white teeth.

Ski'Lira replied with a noncommittal grunt as she continued her final set, easily lifting the hundred and fifty pound bar up and back down. It was high rep, low weight day after all. She had no idea why M'Gann had decided _now_ was the optimal time to talk to her, but she guess she'd allow it. Mostly because her MP3 player was currently broken (after she may or may not have hurled it at Kid Flash's head earlier in the week and he dodged it, causing it to almost completely shatter against the wall).

As she dropped the bar for the last time and sat up, she found another picture shoved in her face, a dark-haired girl who was in some sitcom or something, judging by the accompanying article. "What about her? She's very pretty!"

She merely shrugged as she stood and started to stretch out her arms. Rolling her neck from side to side, she picked up her bottle of water and headed over to the nearby treadmill. Just as she expected, M'Gann merely spun around on the bench so she could still face her. "Well, who _would_ you be attracted to?"

Ski'Lira paused just as she was about to start up the treadmill, as she was suddenly struck with inspiration about her friend's current motivations. "Are you asking if I have a preference of gender?"

M'Gann's face exploded in a blush. "I'm sorry, I was trying to be subtle and… not rude, about it. I know that it can be a sensitive topic for some people and I didn't want to force you to say anything you didn't want to. I was that obvious, huh?"

"Yes. And the answer is no."

M'Gann's brow furrowed. "No?"

"No gender preference. Any potential romantic partners I have will be chosen based off of their personality and integrity."

"That's…"

"Is there a _problem_?"

"No, no!" M'Gann insisted, hands flailing a little. "I just think that's… a really nice sentiment. Thank you for sharing that with me."

H

"Well that's a hell of a relief." Dropping her head into her hands, Artemis let out a deep sigh, dragging her hands down her face. "Now onto the hard part."

"So you're actually going to ask her?" M'Gann was practically vibrating with excitement. "Oh, this is so amazing! How are you going to do it?"

"See, _that's_ the hard part. I don't know anything about Thanagarian courting. And if I do it the human way… I don't know if…"

"You don't know if she'll accept it."

"I'd just… rather play it safe. Or as safe as I can." Artemis sat up. "Do you happen to know about…?"

"I'm sorry, but no. And I'm pretty sure no one else on the Team does either. Honestly, your best bet would be to ask-"

The blonde was swift to interrupt. "I am _not_ asking her parents."

"Oh, definitely not." M'Gann insisted, face twisting slightly at the thought of Artemis being interrogated by the two Hawks. "I was going to say you should ask Green Arrow."

Hearing the name, Artemis' head dropped. "Oh boy, this is going to be awkward."

H

It wasn't just awkward, it was _extremely_ awkward. She was just glad they were having this talk alone in the Queen penthouse. A potential audience would only have made things worse.

"Do you want me to call Dinah…?" Oliver trailed off, eyes shifting back and forth in clear discomfort. "No offense, but I'm probably not the best person to ask about… girl things."

"Believe me, I _know_." Artemis grinned at her mentor's clear reluctance, which honestly made the ordeal just a little easier. "It's not a _girly girl_ thing, it's a… _girl_ thing. As in there's a girl…"

Oliver's blue eyes widened as he realized what exactly she was insinuating, and his expression shifted to an eager one. "Really! Then _that_ I can help you with! Sit down, young grasshopper, and I shall teach you the ways of properly wooing a woman." He patted the couch beside him invitingly.

Cautiously, she sat down.

"Alright, step one, you need to start with a good opener. If it's someone you already know, start on a neutral conversation starter and move on from there. Get a little flirty, touch their shoulder, smile a little more, small stuff like that goes a long way. If you _don't_ know them, you could always try a line. Like… did it hurt when you fell from heaven? Because you sure look like an angel to me."

Artemis abruptly burst out laughing. Just the sheer _ridiculousness_ of the hypothetical of her actually using that line on Skylar was too much to handle.

"Hey, it works." Oliver immediately defended. "There was this one time-"

"Ollie, please stop." Getting a handle on herself, Artemis stymied her giggles. "I can already tell you that kind of stuff _isn't_ going to work. I need… very specific advice for a very… specific person."

"…Oh." He honestly looked a little crushed at having his lessons terminated so early, but he merely shrugged it off. "So, what exact kind of advice _do_ you need?"

It was thanks to the presence of the newly released endorphins in her brain that allowed her the boost of confidence necessary to get through her question without stumbling. "What's the Thanagarian courting process like?"

For a moment, it was as if Oliver's brain blue screened and went through a hard shutdown. Physically shaking himself, he cleared his throat, visibly off kilter. "Wow. That's uh…" He seemed to realize something. "It's not a bad thing! Definitely not a bad thing!" He insisted, grinning broadly and pulling her into a fierce hug. "A little unexpected, sure, but still a good thing!"

Drawing back, he kept his hands on her shoulders. To her dying day, she would adamantly deny the presence of tears in her eyes. "Thanks, Ollie."

"Alright, now onto business. I uh… Don't actually know that much? I mean, know some of the steps, but definitely not what order. And I assume you don't want to talk to the Halls…?"

"I don't have a death wish." Artemis deadpanned.

"Fair point. Well, then you're _best_ bet is to talk to Hal. He'll tell you what you need to do. I can set up a meeting for you if you want…?"

"Yeah. Yeah, that'd be… that'd be good."

Oliver proceeded to let out a high pitched noise to indicate his happiness. "My little protégé's growing up. I'm thinking we get ice cream to celebrate."

H

Two days later, Artemis was sitting across from Hal Jordan in a nondescript coffee shop in Star City, safely tucked away in a corner where they were unlikely to be bothered or overheard. Artemis had her hands wrapped firmly around her steaming cup of tea, trying to will away an embarrassed blush.

Hal, bless his heart, had picked up on her discomfort quickly. "You know, you should consider yourself lucky. Thanagarians are a hell of a lot more straightforward about dating than us poor humans."

"Like how?" She asked cautiously. "I know there are… gifts involved?"

"Let me just start from the top." He dug into his pocket and retrieved a pen and started to jot things down on a napkin. "Step One: Fighting. Really, you shouldn't have expected anything less. I'm pretty sure you've already fulfilled the criteria."

"Meaning?"

"Have you two sparred before?"

Artemis' mind flashed to long hours spent in combat training. "Of course"

"Then there you go, step one completed." He put a little check mark next to '1- Fight'. "Step two, that's where the presents come in. Though, uh…" Hal scratched his head with the pen in thought. "There's a bit of a diversion here."

"Diversion?" Now that her tea had sufficiently cooled, Artemis took a sip. "What kind of _diversion_?"

For the first time since they had sat down, Hal looked about as embarrassed as Artemis _felt_. "It's a matter of… intention." Seeing the look on her face, he quickly backtracked. "Keep in mind, this is where the cultural differences start to kick in. If you're looking for a serious long term relationship with full intention of marriage, you offer a handmade gift of great worth. But if you're just looking for a… more casual arrangement, the gifts are cheap trinkets. It's like the difference between getting engaged and dating."

Artemis blanched a little at the thought of _marriage_. She liked Skylar, sure, but not quite _that_ much. At least, not yet. Or possibly ever, one never really knew how a relationship was working out. "The second one. Definitely."

"That's what I thought." Hal chuckled a little. "Just to be clear, there is protocol if you want to 'upgrade' your courting status from dating to engaged, but I don't think we need to get into that."

"So what kind of gifts are we talking?" Artemis asked, already mulling over a few possible ideas.

"Something simple. Like… a stuffed animal, or maybe a cheap necklace. Something that doesn't involve a lot of time invested to make. But don't be afraid to offer something at least a little heartfelt. Trust me, Sky will be able to understand the intent and won't confuse it for serious courting."

This whole process was starting to sound a lot less scary than she had thought it would be. Honestly it was… surprisingly sweet, for such a bloodthirsty race. "Okay… I… Okay, I think I can do that. What's the next step?"

"If she accepts your advance, she'll take the gift and give you one in return as soon as she can. From that point, you're dating, and your relationship will progress as far as you want. The relationship either ends with you mutually returning presented gifts, or offering an upgraded gift to kick off the more serious courting."

"That's…" Brow furrowing, she trailed off a little as she absorbed that information. "Pragmatic, I guess."

"Thanagarians are all about practicality." Hal laughed a little, taking a moment to drink from his own coffee cup and sliding the napkin over to her. "Just be glad you aren't taking the serious option yet. That one involves having to fight a chosen representative for her hand."

Oh, there was the bloodthirstiness she had been missing. "Oh."

The two lapsed into a bit of a silence before Hal awkwardly cleared his throat. "For the record, even if Sky does say no, she's not going to be mean about it. Thanagarians take courting very seriously, and she wouldn't dare to offend you. Especially since you're part of her _kast_."

"That's reassuring. And um, thanks. For this. I uh… didn't really have anyone else to ask."

"Hey, it was no problem." He insisted, grinning broadly. "I _am_ the resident extraterrestrial expert after all. Now, how about I tell you a few embarrassing stories about Skylar to make you feel a little less nervous about asking her out?"

" _Please do_."

H

The better part of a week passed before Artemis managed to finally talk to Skylar. They had interacted, yes, but never one on one, and there was no way that the archer was going to do this in front of the rest of the Team. M'Gann had been trying to help, but all of her efforts failed.

But her chance finally came, quickly, and unexpected.

Artemis had zeta'd over to the Cave right after school, not even bothering to change out of her uniform. It had been a _long_ day, between multiple tests and avoiding a few particularly nasty girls in her year that had taken great glee in mocking her financial situation.

After dropping off her school bag in her room and changing into a more comfortable set of casual clothes, she made her way into the kitchen, though she paused in the door when she saw it wasn't as empty as she thought it would be. Sitting on one of the stools was Skylar, book propped open on the counter before her and chin perched on her fist. She apparently knew immediately that her solitude was broken, as she shifted the aviators perched on top of her head back down onto her nose to obscure her eyes.

"Uh, hey" Artemis greeted cautiously, heading towards the fridge and retrieving a bottle of water.

"Hello" Skylar answered, carefully marking her place before closing her book. "How was school?"

"Not great." The blonde admitted. "But it could have been worse."

The Thanagarian teen gave a slight hum in response. "Do I need to beat up anyone on your behalf?"

Artemis' mind conjured up a mental image of Skylar terrifying the daylights out of the snooty girls at Gotham Academy, and couldn't help but smile as she leaned up against the counter. "Not yet, but I'll be sure to keep it in mind. How was your day?"

"Not very eventful, unfortunately."

There was an instant where Artemis floundered with how to respond, as she desperately wanted the conversation to continue, but then inspiration struck. "New book?"

"Ah, yes. It's a compendium of Norse mythology. One of the interns at the museum lent it to me."

"That's cool. I've always liked reading myths and stuff like that." Artemis winced slightly at her awkward response, but tried to cover it up by taking a long drink of water.

She should have known that Skylar would pick up on it immediately.

"Are you certain you're alright? You seem a little… skittish."

"I'm not _skittish_." Artemis immediately snapped, though immediately regretted it when she saw the slight flare of her friend's wings. She did _not_ want this conversation to take a turn for the aggressive. "Sorry, I meant… ugh, why is this so _hard_?" Tilting her head down, she glared at the floor. A gentle pressure on her shoulder roused her from her state of self-deprecation, and she looked back up to see the taller girl was now standing in front of her.

"Artemis, I know that I am not the… _best_ person to talk to about emotional troubles, but I am still willing to listen and aid where I can." Skylar increased her grip on her shoulder as a show of reassurance, before letting her hand drop completely.

It was then that Artemis was reminded of why exactly she was doing this and why she had become so infatuated in the first place.

"Wait here."

Practically sprinting down the hall, she made her way to her room, retrieving the small box that she'd been hiding for the past few days, and ran just as quickly back to the kitchen. She mentally thanked the powers that be, as Sky was just were she'd left her, and no one else had showed up in the interim.

"This is for you." Holding out the box, Artemis made steady eye contact, or as close as you could get when you were staring at someone wearing sunglasses.

Skylar's wings flared slightly before freezing, her brows drawing together just slightly. Reaching out, she grabbed the box, her fingers brushing against Artemis' as she did so. The cheap cardboard box was easily pulled apart, revealing the gift nestled inside.

A gleaming arrowhead necklace caught the light, a strip of thin leather threaded through a drilled hole and knotted carefully so that it would lay flat when worn.

"Is this one of yours?" Skylar asked, breaking the silence.

"Yeah" Artemis answered, worrying her lip slightly with her teeth.

There was quiet for one more moment, then Skylar's face suddenly broke into a beaming smile as she started laughing.

Artemis felt her heart drop into her stomach like a Kryptonian had just drop kicked it, eyes widening. She couldn't believe she'd been so _stupid_ thinking that Skylar would actually _accept_.

But Artemis' spiral into heartbreak was broken as she felt a well calloused hand take one of her own, and something was pressed into it. Thoroughly confused, Artemis looked down to see a black metal barrette embossed with a subtle leaf pattern.

That was about when her thought process slid to a screeching halt. Blinking once, then twice, Artemis let out a slight squeak as she realized that Skylar was _putting on the necklace._

"I… overheard you and M'Gann talking about me." Skylar admitted, smirking slightly. "I thought… well, I _assumed_ that you wouldn't know enough about my people's traditions to present the initial gift, so I prepared a gift for you instead. I've been carrying this around all day waiting for a chance to present my… interest."

Artemis noticed something, something that she had _never_ seen Skylar do before. "Are you _blushing_?"

"No."

The last of the tension left her, and her heart returned to its rightful place beating away happily in her chest. "I can _see_ your face."

Skylar huffed out a laugh. "No one will _ever_ believe you. And thank you. For the gift. And for… respecting my heritage."

Suddenly remembering her own present, Artemis unclipped it and slid it into her hair, nestling it above her ponytail. "How does it look?"

"Just as I imagined." Skylar replied easily. "So, now that we have done things the Thanagarian way… Artemis Crock, will you go out with me? Dinner and a movie, maybe?"

Artemis couldn't help her grin. "Sounds like a date."

* * *

Just so you know, I already have plans for a part two. I couldn't resist writing their first date, not to mention all of the Team's reactions.

And look! You also got some neat Thanagarian Lore. Now that this is posted, I'm going to write up a second Dealing with Thanagarians installment and hopefully have that up within a few hours.


	4. Dealing with Thanagarians: Romance

Are you guys ready for some _lore_?!

Because I sure as hell am!

And look, I did as I promised. Two chapters in one day. Absolutely unheard of! : )

* * *

Dealing with Thanagarians: Romance

By Hal Jordan, Green Lantern

So, you want to court a Thanagarian. Keep in mind, I made this handy manual _mostly_ so I have something to throw at potential suitors for my lovely niece in case either the Halls or I can't explain it in person. But let me warn you first, Thanagarians take this stuff _seriously_.

Okay, they take pretty much _everything_ seriously.

But this is _very serious_.

Before I get into the steps, I need to reiterate a few points. First of all, cultural differences are to be expected. Second, Thanagarians have no qualms about same sex relationships or polyamory. They do still possess personal preference, mostly about personality, but they rarely reject advances based on gender alone. It's all up to the individual, really.

Third, and this is important, is the distinction between what I refer to as 'casual' and 'sincere' courting. 'Casual' means that you aren't looking for a lifelong commitment, more akin to dating around or summer flings. 'Sincere' means that you are going in with the full intention of bonding one day.

Oh, bonding is the Thanagarian equivalent of marriage, by the way.

Anyway, it is very important that you decide for yourself exactly what you're looking for in a relationship and choose your path accordingly. And don't worry, if you decide that you'd like to have a sincere relationship instead of a casual one, there's protocol for 'advancement'.

 _Casual Courting_

Step One: Interested parties engage in a one on one fight (can have happened at any time, even before the idea of courting has even reached an individual's mind). You don't even have to announce "Hey, I'm fighting you because I like you." The only stipulation is that the two of you have fought one on one at some point and you don't even have to be the victor.

Step Two: A courting gift is presented. For casual courting, the gifts are usually cheaper trinkets, something you can easily buy, find, or make with very little time. Maybe something like a potted plant, or a nice mug. It can still have some sentimental meaning without you having to worry about it being misconstrued. Shayera tells me that a Thanagarian can always tell intent, even if it comes from a non-Thanagarian.

Step Three: The initial receiver becomes the giver, offering a gift in return as soon as they are able, of similar quality to the one given.

Step Four: The relationship progresses from there, much like a regular human one, where it goes as far as the individuals involved are comfortable with.

Ending a Relationship: The romance officially ends with a mutual re-exchange of the courting gifts.

 _Sincere Courting_

Step One: Identical to step one of Casual Courting, ie, fighting each other

Step Two: A courting gift is presented, though this one bears far more meaning. Something you spend hours making or hours searching for, something that contains real danger in acquisition. When I asked Carter for examples, he said that finely made weapons are the most common, as is armor. He apparently knew a woman back when he was a cop on Thanagar that hunted down a giant sea serpent, killed it, and presented its tooth to her intended. The tooth was reportedly three feet long. Now that's dedication.

Step Three: If the courting gift is accepted, the giver must then engage a representative chosen by the receiver in a fight. And win. This time, winning _is_ important. The representative is typically blood family, but _kast_ members stand in if the former is not an option.

Step Four: The receiver then battle's the giver's chosen representative, because all is fair in love and war. Once again, they must actually win. I asked Shayera about what happens if they lose, she said that it is rare, because the motivation drives a Thanagarian to succeed at all costs. You know, as if they weren't like that already. Though she did admit that there are cases where a representative will purposefully throw a fight, or a weak representative is chosen on purpose in order to allow the courting to progress. Yeah, you read that right. Thanagarians are actually _willing to throw fights_ when it comes to matters of the heart. Like I said at the start, they take this stuff _seriously_.

Step Five: Now that both intendeds have survived and won their fights, the initial giver in turn becomes the receiver, getting a gift from the initial receiver that is just as important. At this step, the courting essentially becomes an equivalent of an engagement. There is often a gap between this step and the next as the relationship progresses.

Step Six: Plans for a bonding ceremony are made, and the 'dating' part of the relationship ends.

 _Evolution of Casual to Sincere Courting_

One of the recipients offers a far worthier present, usually an upgrade from the previous one. If it is accepted, the courting will proceed as normal from Step Three (ie, fighting a chosen representative).

 _Bonding_

I can't tell you too much about this, mostly because it's pretty secretive, but I can tell you the end result. Instead of exchanging rings, Thanagarians are branded around the right wrist as a sign of bonding. These burns are patterned and intricate, often bearing important names and phrases and designs that indicate rank and deeds. Your brand represents your partner. For example: Shayera's bears Katar's name, family name, and the pattern denoting him as one of the Wingmen, while Katar's has Shayera's name, family name, military rank, and her military specialization.

Despite what you may think, considering their whole etiquette with masks, Thanagarians are surprisingly open about their brands and will show them to you happily.

 _Divorce_

Courted pairs _can_ get divorced. In that situation, there is a short ceremony to 'break the bond'.

Brands are kept intact as reminders not to be so foolish in choosing or not to make past mistakes in a new relationship

 _Re-Bonding_

Courting proceeds as normal, but a new bonding ring is branded further up the arm.

There are no limits on the number of bondings.

The Thanagarian record for bonding has been held by the scientist I'to Laamal for three centuries. He had a total of twenty three bondings over the course of his eighty two year lifespan.

 _In Conclusion_

Romancing a Thanagarian might _seem_ intimidating, but at the very core of it, they love just as deeply and intensely as humans do, they just have a far more… structured way of approaching relationships. And as a note to any potential suitors of Skylar's that might be reading this…

Remember, I _fully_ qualify to be chosen as Skylar's chosen representative and I _will not_ go easy on you.

Good luck!


	5. Smash!

Alright, here's the last of the three oneshots I had in mind. It's short, but I thoroughly enjoyed it.

This chapter is brought to you by the tracks 'Bloody Tears/Monster Dance Remix' and 'Gangplank Galleon Remix' from Smash Ultimate.

This chapter is also dedicated to reviewer **pokemonking0924,** WHO WAS SOMEHOW THE SECOND PERSON TO GUESS AN IDEA I HAD FOR A ONESHOT! ARE YOU PEOPLE ALL PSYCHIC OR SOMETHING?!

* * *

"I CHALLENGE YOU!"

For a moment, the room went dead silent, as every member of the Team slowly turned their heads to face the redhead currently pointing dramatically at a random spot on the wall and standing directly in front of the television.

"Um… what?" M'Gann asked.

Letting out a short sigh of frustration, he held up a plastic game case bearing the Super Smash Bros Brawl logo. "Smash Tournament! Come on, it'll be fun!"

The Martian Girl looked around, a hopeful look on her face. "Can we?"

"I'm in!" Robin immediately volunteered.

"Me too." Zatanna agreed, and Artemis nodded too.

Conner and Kaldur were a little more reluctant, but after a bit of wheedling from their far more enthusiastic friends, they gave in.

Then there was only one person to convince.

Wally took the solemn duty upon himself, kneeling on the ground in front of the stone hearted Thanagarian who had quietly been watching events unfold.

"Please, please, _please_?" He begged.

Skylar rose a brow, mentally weighing her options, before coming to a decision. "I'll watch."

The speedster leapt to his feet faster than the eye could track. "GOOD ENOUGH! LET'S DO THIS!"

H

Skylar spectated the proceedings from a spot carefully perched cross-legged on the back of the couch, Robin sitting in front of her. Wally and Robin had started off with a 'practice round', showing off the game to the newcomers, namely Kaldur, Conner, and M'Gann. Artemis and Zatanna revealed that they both already had prior experience with the game.

Once the new players had gotten a chance to play a little and practice, Zatanna scrawled out a bracket on a piece of paper that she'd scrounged up, though the structured manner of play ended after the first tournament. From that point, people just played against whoever they wanted to. Things had devolved a little, as Wally and Robin picked random every time, while M'Gann had stuck to Jigglypuff for the past three rounds (of which she'd somehow managed to win one, none of them were sure how the hell that managed to happen).

"Hey, I think you should give it a shot." Artemis nudged Skylar's shoulder.

"Yeah, you'll never know if you like it if you don't try it." Zatanna added, nodding eagerly.

Narrowing her eyes for a moment, she remained silent, before offering the slightest of nods. "Perhaps you are right. I will try the game."

There was a raucous cheer, and M'Gann handed off her controller to the Thanagarian

"Wally, why don't you go one on one with her?" Robin suggested, putting his own controller onto the coffee table.

"I'll be sure to go easy on you." Wally winked as he set up the stage, picking the Pokémon Stadium for the sake of ease. Once it was selected, he picked Fox as his character. Earlier, he had tried to play as Sonic, but couldn't handle the constant jabs about 'speedsters sticking together'. "You need a crash course?"

"I know the buttons." She insisted. "I have been watching Robin." Considering the screen, she moved the cursor over several characters, before finally deciding on Link.

"Ooh, good choice." Zatanna grinned wide. "Why'd you pick him?"

"His weapon looks well-made and a shield provides excellent defense."

Robin snorted a little in amusement. "Well, you're not wrong."

With another button press, the match started, counting down.

"I'll give you a chance to adjust." With a smug grin, Wally physically sat back, controller lax in his hands.

Brow furrowing and hunching over a little, Skylar manipulated the controls, only to become the subject of well-natured ridicule as she accidentally ran Link right off the edge of the platform. As her character dropped back down onto the stage, she waited for the invincibility frames to wear off before letting out a short breath and straightening her spine.

Wally was oblivious to her change in posture. "Alright, time's up. Prepare to- WHAT THE HELL?!"

She had gotten off a hookshot that pulled Fox in close, kicking him off the stage and then throwing a boomerang that made recovery difficult. Wally just barely managed to save it, but Skylar was relentless.

A good five minutes later, Link was proclaimed the champion, and Skylar had a smug look on her face.

"What… What was _that_?" Wally's voice was almost a squeak. "Did you do all that just from _watching us play?_ "

For a moment, she considered going along with the charade, but she'd fooled them enough for one day. Instead, she looked at him with a predatory smile. "One cannot defeat the holder of the Triforce of Courage, Farore's chosen champion so easily."

Robin was the first to catch on, cackling so hard he nearly fell off of the couch, pointing at her accusingly. "You're a nerd!"

Her smile turned a little less sharp and into something more genuine. "I've never claimed to be anything less." Seeing the general confusion, she elaborated. "I've been a fan of Legend of Zelda since I was a child. It was Roy's influence. He then introduced me to Smash Brothers. We used to play against each other, and his mentor would often join us. I can't count how many times we played through the campaign together."

"Wait, wait, wait, so… You've been pretending to be disinterested in video games for…"

"A single glorious moment of triumph and vindication, yes." She affirmed. "Worth it."

"… You're insane."

Skylar shrugged. "It's been said. Now, let's play again. I look forward to your inevitable repeated defeat."

"Oh it is _on_."

* * *

And that's it for now. Hope you're all having a lovely day!


	6. A Day with Supes

This oneshot took so long. This was literally the _first_ one I started but it's taken me this long to finally finish it. Now I can finally move onto other ones!

* * *

Clark whistled tunelessly under his breath as he headed out of the small bookstore, taking a moment to appreciate the nice weather. Or at least to him, it was nice. Having grown up in Kansas, the measly inch of snow that was dusting the ground was nearly negligible. Most people either entering or exiting the shop were focused on buying new books or simply perusing, but he'd had a much different goal in mind. On the orders of Perry White, he'd conducted a short interview with the elderly owner, a kind and unflappable woman named Ruby. It was a part of a much larger piece, one meant to illustrate the growing struggles of small business owners in Metropolis. Tomorrow he had two more appointments, one with a cafe and the other an antique shop. But for now, he was going to enjoy the rest of his day as he had no more obligations. He didn't even have to report back to the Daily Planet until tomorrow morning.

In anticipation for his newfound day off, he'd sent a message off to Lois suggesting they meet up later for a date to grab coffee. The romantic aspect of their relationship was relatively new and they were settling into an altered dynamic, so he was slightly anxious. So engrossed was he in waiting for her much-anticipated reply that he nearly missed something _very_ important. Luckily, he'd managed to look back up at just the right moment.

Sitting alone on a bench in front of the small strip mall was a vaguely familiar young girl, wearing a puffy green coat that had a fur-lined hood. However, despite the biting cold of the December air, the hood was down and she seemed completely unbothered by the fact. After a moment's scrutiny, his eyes widened as he realized this was Skylar Hall.

He immediately changed his path and started to walk towards her, scanning the surrounding area for any sign of her parents.

"Hello, Skylar" He greeted, crouching down in front of her so that they were at eye level, not caring that the ends of his wool coat were brushing the pavement. "Do you know who I am?"

"Hello" She replied immediately. "And yes, but I'm not supposed to say your name when you're wearing glasses."

"You can just call me Clark." He suggested with a smile. "Can I ask what you're doing here?"

"I'm waiting."

"For your parents?"

She shook her head, dislodging her ponytail slightly. "For Ollie. He's watching me today, but his phone rang. He said it was work."

Clark's eyes narrowed slightly. "He left you here alone? _Outside_?"

"No." Pointing, she gestured to a businessman he had overlooked at first, who was standing about twenty feet away. When he looked up, the blonde goatee and bright blue eyes were immediately identifiable, and he offered a small wave of greeting before ending his call and walking over.

"Hey Clark, how's your day been?" The two men shook hands.

"Just finished an interview." Clark answered. "What brings you to Metropolis?"

"Boring business stuff." He shrugged. "I had to bring the munchkin with me, and let me tell you, _that's_ been an adventure and a half." From the slight grimace on his face, it was clear that Oliver was struggling with balancing his babysitting duties and his work. "I thought we'd take a short break outside, she was starting to get antsy."

"Well..." Clark glanced down at the young girl, who was using the toe of her boot to draw lines in the slush beneath her feet. "I'm officially off work as of ten minutes ago. I can take her."

Nearly sagging with relief, Oliver clapped him on the shoulder and grinned broadly. "You're a lifesaver, Clark." Walking around the taller man, he kneeled down in front of Skylar. "Hey kiddo, Clark's going to take over as your babysitter for the rest of the day. I'm sure you'll have _way_ more fun hanging out with him than stuck with me, right?"

"… Yes." She answered in a very matter-of-fact manner, making the man chuckle.

"Good." Standing up, Oliver gave her hair a final ruffle. "You two take care now."

Once Oliver had disappeared down the street, Clark crouched back down next to Skylar. "Well, I was thinking about going out to lunch and then a movie. Sound good?"

"I like movies." Skylar agreed. "And food." She added as an afterthought.

"I do too." Clark grinned, standing as she hopped off the bench. Without hesitation, she grabbed his hand with her much smaller one.

"You should tell _Ta'me_ and _Da'mi_. So they know I am with you instead of Uncle Ollie."

"I was planning on it." Clark agreed. "I don't have a death wish."

H

" _Of course it's fine, Clark."_ Carter grumbled. _"We both trust you. And so does Skylar, I mean, she hasn't sunk her teeth into your arm and started shrieking bloody murder, so…"_

The entire time he was on the phone, Clark had kept a careful eye on his unexpected charge. He'd ended up heading back inside the bookstore that he'd left mere minutes before, ushering her towards the kid's section after giving a short explanation to the kindly bookstore owner about watching a colleague's kid. Sitting down cross-legged on the floor next to the young Thanagarian, he had handed her a Shel Silverstein book before calling Carter.

Skylar was completely engrossed in the poems by the time he had finished his conversation, making sure he knew exactly where to take her at exactly what time, and double checking about possibly dietary restrictions he should be aware of.

"Which one was your favorite?" He asked, garnering her attention and pointing to the book splayed in her lap as he tucked his phone safely into his pocket.

She shrugged, closing the book and carefully putting it back on the shelf, slotting it into the exact place he'd plucked it from. "I don't get most of them."

"That's okay." Clark stood up and offered out hand that she took, and he lifted her up to her feet. "So, movie or lunch first?"

Skylar pondered as she kept her hand latched around his. "Movie. I'm not hungry yet, but I probably will be in a couple of hours."

"Movie it is."

H

After a quick perusal of the available flicks, Clark decided on Chronicles of Narnia: The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe. He'd read the books as a kid, and he had actually been curious to see the adaptation himself, but he'd felt wary about going to see it by himself. Now, he had an eleven year old with him that proved to be an excellent excuse.

He'd purchased a small box of popcorn for them to share, as well as a bottle of water each before they settled down in the back row of the theater. Since it was a school day, the theater was almost completely empty.

The movie was… well, better than he was expecting really. Every so often he'd glance out of the corner of his eyes to make sure that Skylar was doing alright, and every time she was enraptured with the events unfolding onscreen. He gave himself a mental pat on the back for choosing something she seemed to be enjoying (and was on that fine edge of not too violent for a child and just violent enough to engage Thanagarian).

By the end, she was nearly vibrating with excitement, and as they left the theater, she was chattering near endlessly about the quality of their weapons, their battle strategy, and their fighting prowess. Predictably, when he asked who her favorite character was, she told him it was Aslan, because he was 'obviously the apex predator' and he had 'earned his place and should thus be respected as such'.

It was while she was describing in detail how exactly Aslan probably killed the White Witch, Clark's phone started to ring. Fishing it out of his pocket, he checked the ID before answering. Skylar immediately fell silent, waiting patiently.

"Hello Lois."

" _Hey Clark, I'm taking a late lunch break at that new sandwich place down the street from the Planet. Care to join me?"_

"I'd love to, but… well… Something's come up?

" _Oh? Is this cape-related business?"_

"Not… really?" Honestly, he was unsure whether this _did_ qualify as 'Superman Stuff', considering Clark Kent wasn't really friends with the Halls, but Superman was friends with the Hawks. "I have a bit of a tagalong. Emergency babysitting job."

" _Really? Wait… is it Carter and Shayera's kid?"_

"Skylar, yes." He affirmed. "I have her until five."

" _Has she eaten yet?"_

"No, we were just about to-"

" _Then bring her here, dummy!"_ Lois chided fondly. _"I'd love to meet her. As long as she's okay with it, of course. I don't want to make her uncomfortable."_

"I'll ask." Placing his hand over the receiver, he looked down at Skylar, a question ready on the tip of his tongue.

"It's fine. I would not mind meeting… Lois. As long as I get food."

Of course she'd heard the entire conversation. He'd forgotten about the sensitive hearing. Offering her a grin and a nod, he removed his hand from the phone. "She said yes. We'll be there in about…" He did a quick mental calculation. Flagging down a cab and the following ride would take a while with the midday traffic downtown, and the subway was to be avoided at all costs. The last thing he wanted to deal with was a panicking mess of hyper aggressive child while her parents were away. That left walking as the best option. "Fifteen minutes?"

" _See you then, Clark."_

H

Locating Lois was an easy feat, as not only was she highly visibly thanks to her distinct purple coat, but she was also waiting just inside the doors of the sandwich shop. The moment she caught sight of them, she crossed over to the door and opened it for them. It was only once the duo were safely ushered inside the warm building that she greeted them properly. "Hey Clark." Stretching up on her tiptoes, she pressed a kiss to his cheek before turning her attention to his newfound tagalong.

Lois only needed to bend down a little to meet her eyes, as Skylar was clearly tall for her age, though the older woman was also wearing heels that bolstered her own height. "Hi, I'm Lois Lane." She stuck out a hand.

Skylar took it, shaking it firmly. "My name is Skylar Hall. Your coat is aesthetically pleasing."

Clark just _barely_ restrained himself from promptly face palming. This kid was _really_ something else.

His ever-wonderful girlfriend however, took the odd comment in stride. "Thanks, I think so too." Turning on her heel, she led the way over to the line leading to the register. "I've only been here once before, but they have a great selection."

After perusing the menu himself, Clark nudged Skylar a little to get her attention. "Anything look good?"

Nose crinkling a little as if pondering one of life's greatest mysteries before nodding. "Yes, the eighth one."

'The Eighth One' turned out to be the equivalent of a meat lover's special, a sandwich bearing every kind of meat that they offered. Frankly, he thought it looked a little unappetizing, but to each their own he supposed. As they waited in line, Lois filled him in one what he'd missed today at the office, namely the final death of their copier (he was honestly a little upset he'd missed it) and the resulting exchange of bet money. Everyone on their floor had been waiting for nearly three months for that thing to finally die before it could be replaced with a newer model, and it was only natural a betting pool had sprung up. Clark personally hadn't put any money into it, but apparently Jimmy made out like a bandit.

Once their orders had been placed, made, and handed to them in turn, the odd trio made their way to a booth in the corner, with Clark and Skylar taking one side and Lois the other.

"So, what have you two been up to today?" Lois asked after taking a sip of her drink. "Anything fun?"

Clark subtly nudged Skylar in the ribs, and she shot him a _look_ before acquiescing with his silent request. "We went to the movie theater and saw Chronicles of Narnia. I enjoyed it."

"Really? I might have to go see it myself. I remember reading those books when I was about your age and-"

Clark looked up from his meal, more than a little concerned when Lois cut herself off mid-sentence. The woman was staring at Skylar, who was in the process of tearing into her sandwich with abandon. "Is everything okay?"

"Yeah, fine. I'm sorry, I just wasn't expecting the…" She vaguely gestured to her mouth.

He winced a little in sympathy, reaching across the table and patting her hand. "I get it."

The exchange didn't slip past Skylar in the slightest, and she rolled her eyes. "It's not my fault human children are too soft and squishy."

"She has a lot of opinions about human evolution." Clark explained dryly, a smile tugging at his lips. "Don't get her started, she could probably rant for hours."

"As interested as I am to hear it, I think that talk should be saved for later." Lois answered. "So, who was your favorite character in the movie? I always liked Susan."

"Susan's skill with the bow is impressive." Skylar admitted. "But I prefer Aslan. He is a fair and strict ruler, and properly executed his nemesis to prevent her from potentially escaping and causing more problems later. Also, he is cute and has big teeth." She made a gnashing motion with her own abnormal canines that was frankly, pretty adorable.

"He is pretty cute." Lois agreed, apparently unfazed by the odd behavior. Clark was starkly reminded of one of the reasons why he'd fallen in love her with her, her ability to remain unfazed in even the strangest of situations. She was the Planet's top reporter for a reason.

All in all, the lunch went far better than Clark had ever hoped to expect. Skylar had toned down her usual bloodthirstiness, in favor of peppering Lois with questions about her work at the Daily Planet. And if said inquiries tended to lean towards the woman's experiences in the seedier and more dangerous parts of the world, well, Lois rolled with that too. She'd attempted to censor herself exactly once before Skylar had casually brought up alternate methods of decapitating a human being.

Needless to say, their table earned more than its fair share of strange looks from the other patrons and the staff.

Skylar's favorite story had clearly been Lois' dramatic retelling of the time she was swept up in a bar fight in the middle of an interview, and was forced to smash a stool over someone's head. The young Thanagarian was practically on the edge of her seat, nearly vibrating with excitement as Lois talked about the brawl in detail, including the guy who had been thrown out the window, crawled back inside for another go, and then defenestrated the man who had thrown _him_ out first.

Glancing at her watch, Lois made a face. "Looks like I've got to get going."

Putting their winter coats back on, the trio shuffled out of the restaurant and stepped back out into the crisp winter air. Lois pecked Clark lightly on the lips (after physically grabbing his lapels and forcing him down to her level).

"I'll see you tomorrow at the office." She said with a wide grin before turning her attention to Skylar. "You're a pretty awesome kid, you know that? Someday I'd like to hear your opinions about 'inferior human evolution'."

That earned her a bright smile from Skylar. "That sounds good. It was a pleasure making your acquaintance, Lois Lane. You are truly a fearsome warrior of the written word."

"How sweet of you to say!" The older woman leaned down and gave the young Thanagarian a loose hug, affectionate, but non-constraining. To Clark's surprise, Skylar tentatively returned the embrace. Straightening, Lois readjusted her coat. "Take care you two." With a final wave, she headed off down the slush-covered sidewalk in the direction of The Daily Planet.

For a moment, Clark floundered, a little at loss of what to do now. So he just asked Skylar what she wanted instead. "Is… there anything else you want to do before I take you home?"

Her lips pursed a little in thought. "… Is there a park?"

H

The park was relatively quiet, partly because it was one o'clock the middle of a weekday (meaning most children were in school and most adults were at work), and also because of the biting cold. There were still a few brave souls meandering their way through, a few bicyclists carefully avoiding icy patches, joggers bundled up in winter-appropriate athletic gear, and citizens of Metropolis just enjoying being outside.

As they meandered through the park, Skylar tended to dart off every so often to inspect something that caught her attention, often small non-migratory birds or trees with low enough branches that she could scale them easily. All the while, she remained within Clark's line of sight without him having to request it of her. He had no idea how the Halls had raised a child that was both incredibly well-behaved and a complete hellion.

He watched as Skylar's head suddenly shot up, dark blue eyes locked on something in the distance. Without hesitation, she swung herself off the branch she was perched on, jumping down effortlessly onto the grass and made a beeline for whatever it is that she had seen. Narrowing his eyes, Clark used his super vision to try to glean whatever it was that had garnered her complete focus.

He promptly let out a long sigh and jogged after her.

Skylar was standing in front of a massive stone statue that resided in the very center of the park, a towering monument to Metropolis' hero… Superman.

It was just as embarrassing as the first time it had been revealed, though it was still a flattering gesture. Clark just thought it was… more than a little ostentatious.

Skylar didn't say anything, merely staring up at the statue's face before seeming to come to some kind of internal conclusion, nodding to herself before looking back at him. "It is a good statue."

Sheepishly, he rubbed the back of his neck. "Thanks, I guess."

She nodded again and promptly grabbed his hand, leading him over to a nearby bench.

Once he was sitting down, Clark cleared his throat. "So, did you have fun today?"

"It was nice." Skylar immediately replied, fiddling with the end of her braid. More than a few of the brunette strands had escaped from the tight weave over the course of the past hour or so. "Thank you for watching over me. Staying with Uncle Ollie would have been boring. At least today, usually he isn't _that_ boring."

Clark chuckled. "Well, I'm glad to hear it." He paused for a moment. "You seem to be adjusting to living here better than anyone expected. Your parents were pretty worried, you know. I don't think I've ever seen Carter that distressed about anything. He spent an hour pestering us for advice on what color to paint your room."

Skylar rolled her eyes. Clark had a sudden flash to the potential future, imagining an older Skylar. If this was what she was like when she eleven, what would it be like when she was a _teenager_? He pushed that frightening thought to the back of his head and refocused on what she was saying. "-and I do not know why he would be so concerned, I _told_ him what color I wanted it to be." She stopped herself for a second. "And I like it here more than I thought I would."

"What kind of stuff do you like about living here?"

"… Flying with my parents." She answered. "And just being with them all of the time, instead of just visits or calls. I like spending time with their _kast_ and I like Uncle Hal. I like it when Mr. Nelson tells me stories and when Aquaman tells me about the sea creatures he knows. I like waffles. And bacon. And pancakes."

His lips quirked up into a smile. "How could I possibly have known that breakfast would be on the list?"

"Breakfast foods are the ultimate human inventions and no one will ever be able to convince me otherwise."

"I fear for whoever tries." Taking a last look around the park, Clark rose to his feet. "Well, it's probably about time that I took you home."

She followed his lead, stretching out her limbs a little.

He considered the girl for a moment. "Say Skylar, how about instead of taking the Zeta… we fly?"

Her eyes shot towards his, glittering with unrestrained excitement at the prospect.

H

Touching down outside of the Hall residence, Superman's cape swished around his ankles before falling still, his passenger scrambling off of his back and onto the ground Just as he was about to ring the doorbell, the front door swung open, revealing Hal Jordan.

"Well that was a suitably dramatic entrance." Hal said, not even missing a beat as Skylar threw herself at him and started babbling in rapid fire Thanagarian. The Green Lantern listened patiently for a second before responding. Whatever he said caused her to go temporarily quiet.

"Thanks for watching her."

"It was no trouble. It was fun." Superman shot Skylar a grin, receiving one in return. "But I thought her parents were supposed to be home?"

"Their flight got delayed, and they can't exactly break cover to just fly themselves home, especially since they've got a slew of artifacts they need to babysit. They should be home tomorrow morning." Hal explained. "So, you introduced her to Lois?"

"I like Lois." Skylar added helpfully. "She is a good match for you."

"I'm glad you think so." Superman reached over and set a hand on her shoulder. "Well, I'll leave you to Hal's care. Maybe we can do this again sometime?"

"I would like that a lot." Surging forward, she wrapped her arms as tightly around his torso as she could manage before releasing him with a final grin.

After saying their goodbyes, Hal ushered Skylar into the house. Superman smiled to himself before taking to the air, starting his flight back to Metropolis. He made a mental note to fly back to Smallville and snag his old box set of _The Chronicles of Narnia_ out of storage in the attic. It was about time that they were passed onto someone else to read.

* * *

Those books definitely weren't a gift. Just an indefinite loan. Definitely. And those books are still sitting on her shelf in present day.

Personally, I only ever read the one book (Lion, Witch, and the Wardrobe), but I like the movies a lot. I literally googled 'Movies that came out in 2005' (because consistent timelines) and when I saw that, I jumped at the chance.

In the original concept for this story, there was an entire B plot where Ollie had accidentally lost Skylar in Metropolis and Clark found her, and then he informed the rest of the League but _not_ Ollie, basically turning him into a frantic mess. But then I was like… wait, that's way too mean. And besides, Oliver Queen's… relatively responsible?

Mostly.


	7. Ski'Lira versus Twitter

Hello everyone! I hope you're all staying as safe as you possibly can. In lieu of regular FoF updates, I'd instead try to compensate with some oneshots to try to bring some levity in both my life and yours. I have a few different ideas already, but if you have any suggestions of funny/ridiculous/cute/heartwarming situations, I'd love to hear them! But first things first, I bring you the story of Skylar Versus Twitter.

* * *

"I need to report a CRIME." With a particularly dramatic entrance, Wally careened into the lounge, successfully interrupting the peaceful atmosphere.

Kaldur didn't miss a beat, not even bothering to look up from his book before delivering a deadpan, "Isn't it your job to deal with those?"

Artemis didn't even attempt to stifle her laughter.

Apparently he didn't get the response he wanted, as Wally pouted and threw his hands up in the air. "A serious CRIME has been committed and you treat me this way?"

Emerging from the kitchen (where she'd presumably been working on her latest, M'Gann dried her hands off and was the first to take the irate redhead seriously. "Is everything okay, Wally?"

"Nothing is okay and it never will be again." He dropped bonelessly to the floor, face smooshed uncomfortably into the carpet. "My life is over."

"So, I'm guessing he's just being overdramatic?" Artemis asked. "Otherwise he'd be, you know, more panicked."

Kneeling down next to him, M'Gann placed a hand on his shoulder. "Wally, why don't you tell us what has you so… upset? Maybe we can help?"

"No one can help us now, for a great evil has been unleashed upon the world." Slowly, he lifted up his head, a solemn look in his green eyes. "Skylar has a Twitter account."

H

It had taken Artemis exactly thirty seconds to locate **TalonHardTruths,** which was a _verified_ account with the profile picture set as an image of the Muppet Sam the Eagle.

Somehow she'd managed to garner several thousand followers despite the fact she'd given zero indication of her identity.

It was, in four words, a work of _art._

H

 **TalonHardTruths**

 **\- DominosPizza** Git gud

H

 **TalonHardTruths**

Overheard an anti-global warming protestor today. I support free speech, but they thought global warming was fake for two reasons:

 **TalonHardTruths**

1) The world is obviously flat, so the first part isn't true on principle

2) It's impossible for the disc to get warm because the moon is a solid block of ice

(●_●)

H

 **TalonHardTruths**

 **\- GreenArrowOfficial** You shouldn't leave your front door unlocked

H

 **TalonHardTruths**

I certainly don't regret attacking the cucco and summoning the horde. Truly an honor to be murdered by these proud fowl #LoZ #noregrets

H

 **TalonHardTruths**

Two thousand followers special, face reveal. Look upon me and despair (attached image of Jet the Hawk from Sonic Riders)

H

 **TalonHardTruths**

How many waffles is too many? False, there's no such thing as too many waffles.

H

 **TalonHardTruths**

Would I punch a shark? No, they deserve love and respect.

 **BluDaBaDee: - TalonHardTruths** what if it was biting your leg off?

 **TalonHardTruths: - BluDaBaDee** If it's gotten that close, it's earned it.

 **RexiousRex: - TalonHardTruths** What about dolphins?

 **TalonHardTruths: - RexiousRex** I would uppercut a dolphin in a heartbeat. Don't me, Aquaman, I'll fistfight you too if I have to.

 **prettygirl23: - TalonHardTruths** but their so cuuuuute!

 **TalonHardTruths: - prettygirl23** Not as cute as sharks.

H

 **TalonHardTruths**

There was a scandalized mother at the Metropolis Museum of Art today screaming at an overworked tour guide. "Why are there so many naked women?! Why won't you do the decent thing and cover them up?!"

 **TalonHardTruths**

Naturally I had to intervene.

 **TalonHardTruths**

Me: "What's bothering you about it, miss?"

Her: "There are impressionable children! They shouldn't see this kind of… porn."

Me: "Do you have kids?"

Her: "Yes, in fact. A boy and a girl."

Me: "Are they here?"

Her: "No, I'm here on my own today."

Me: "Good, now I don't have to worry about being overheard by impressionable children when I tell you to fuck off and leave this guy alone."

 **TalonHardTruths**

I wish you all could have heard her scandalized gasp before she stormed off. The tour guide guy gave me a high five. Made my day.

H

 **TalonHardTruths**

 **\- GreenArrowOfficial** soon.

 **GreenArrowOfficial: - TalonHardTruths** What does this mean?!

H

 **TalonHardTruths**

I just learned Lex Luthor has a verified Twitter account.

Poll: Do the responsible thing and don't tweet - **LexLuthor**

Yes: 13%

Give Him Hell: 87%

 **TalonHardTruths**

The people have spoken

 **TalonHardTruths**

 **\- LexLuthor** (link to HEYEAYEAYEAYEA Ten Hour Loop)

 **TalonHardTruths**

 **\- LexLuthor** (link to All Star by Smash Mouth)

 **TalonHardTruths**

 **\- LexLuthor** (link to Best of Skeletor)

 **TalonHardTruths**

 **\- LexLuthor** (link to We Are Number One)

 **TalonHardTruths**

We did it. (Screenshot of official blocked notice from Lex Luthor)

 **C_Kent: - TalonHardTruths** Welcome to the Blocked by Luthor Club!

 **LoisLane: - TalonHardTruths** We have t-shirts and everything.

H

 **TalonHardTruths**

 **\- TheBruceWayne** This is u. (Clip of Tony Stark saying "Genius, Playboy, billionaire philanthropist")

 **TheBruceWayne: - TalonHardTruths** I'm flattered.

 **TalonHardTruths: - TheBruceWayne** Now that I have your attention, can you fund a Firefly revival?

 **TheBruceWayne: - TalonHardTruths** As much as I'd love to do so, some things are beyond even me.

H

"Wait, GreatGrayson… Is that?" Artemis' eyes widened. "... Oh my god."

 **GreatGrayson: - TalonHardTruths** notice me senpai

 **TalonHardTruths: - GreatGrayson** no.

There was a slight shuffling from further down the hall, as a slightly sleep deprived Dick Grayson made his appearance at the most fortuitous of times. "KF, why do you keep texting me about Sky being a criminal?"

"HOW DARE YOU ENABLE HER?!" Wally sped over to his best friend, physically grabbing him by the shoulders and shaking him.

All Dick offered was a shrug, as if to say, 'I have no idea exactly what you're talking about, but I'll agree anyway?'

M'Gann's brow suddenly furrowed. "Wait, does that say Ryan Reynolds?" She smacked Kaldur's arm in her excitement as they both read over Artemis shoulder.

 **TalonHardTruths**

 **\- RyanReynolds** I hope you're ashamed of yourself.

 **RyanReynolds: - TalonHardTruths** Regularly. I have a weekly scheduled time for crying hysterically in my shower.

 **TalonHardTruths: - RyanReynolds** good.

 **RyanReynolds: - TalonHardTruths** Consider my curiosity thoroughly piqued. How did I gain your ire, oh truth teller?

 **TalonHardTruths: - RyanReynolds** Two words. Green Lantern.

 **RyanReynolds: - TalonHardTruths** You know what? That's valid.

"This is one of the best days of my life." Artemis was cackling so hard she came very close to falling onto the floor. It was only a quick grab from M'Gann that stopped her from doing so.

"Thank you for informing us of this, Wally." Kaldur said with a small smile.

The speedster had resorted to pouting, glaring every so often at Robin, who had completely detached from the situation in favor of collapsing face first onto the couch.

"Why does Wally look like someone pissed in his cereal?"

Wally's head snapped around to the newcomer, a nonplussed Skylar. "You." He hissed.

"Me." She replied without missing a beat. Heading over to the couch, she snagged the back of Dick's shirt and lifted him up with zero effort, just long enough for her to sit down so his head lay in her lap.

"Senpai noticed me." Robin's voice was muffled, but still clear enough for them to all hear. Artemis promptly choked on her spit and was sent into another bout of laughter. Skylar gave the back of his head a soft pat.

"So, what have I done to gain your wrath, gingersnap?" The Thanagarian asked.

Green eyes narrowed at her. "Why don't you tell me, Talon Hard Truths?"

"Oh, is that it? Look, I already got one lecture for purposefully antagonizing Luthor on the internet."

"Is there actually a t-shirt? For the club?" M'Gann asked.

"Yeah, it's in my closet somewhere. Lois was very happy to induct another member. It made up for the lecture from Bats."

"Okay, as much ad I'd love to interrogate you about your Twitter history right now, what the hell is wrong with Dick?" Artemis gestured to the half-asleep teen with a broad gesture.

"Three all nighters in a row." Dick grumbled, angling his face so it was less smooshed into Skylar's leg and he could be heard better. "Mr. Freeze and magic, not fun."

"Freeze managed to get his hands on an enchanted runestone that basically causes a miniature sustained blizzard." Skylar explained in further detail. "Bats had to call me and my parents in for backup incredibly early this morning. Then I put myself on Robin-sitting duty until he was coherent again after he almost accidentally drowned himself in a bowl of oatmeal. He was supposed to stay at the manor."

"You're not the boss of me."

"I thought I was your senpai?"

"... I've played myself."

She gave him another commiserating pat on the head.

With a sharp clap of her hands, Artemis spoke up. "That's that answered, so the Twitter account? How'd that even happen?"

"Uncle Hal told me to. He said something about 'unleashing me upon the world'. His only request was that I harass as many Leaguers as I could, at least the ones that have Twitter… Mostly Oliver. Speaking of which…"

Careful not to dislodge Robin from her lap, she dug her phone out of her pocket and started typing. Mere moments later, Artemis' phone dinged with a new notification.

 **TalonHardTruths**

 **\- GreenArrowOfficial** I see you.

"That'll put him on edge for another week at least." Skylar smirked, already feeling the satisfaction of a job well done.

* * *

Well, this oneshot went into platonic sleep-deprived cuddle territory, which was completely unplanned. But whatever, it's cute. Also apologies if the formatting is weird (hence the dash instead of the standard at symbol) it didn't transfer over completely correctly so I had to make do.

I hope you enjoyed this completely non-canon venture into the Team's budding relationship with social media. Coming up with the Tweets was probably one of my favorite things I've written for Fight or Flight ever.

A lovely day in quarantine to all!


End file.
